A lover of Jane Austen, I couldn’t resist calling this “Sex & Sensibilities” but it’s really about sex in dreams and can we be sensible about it? What does it mean when you dream about sex or have an orgasm in your sleep? These are common dream and sleep experiences that are nothing to be embarrassed about!

Called “wet dreams”- or nocturnal emissions- they are erection and/or ejaculation in a male, vaginal lubrication and/or orgasm in a female. You can have these dreams whether you wake up or not and whether or not you even remember them! For some dreamers, these dreams start around the time of puberty.

Dreams with sexual or sensual content may not involve orgasm, but you are certainly likely to remember them. Don’t worry; they are quite normal too. Even so, they often leave dreamers embarrassed and wondering what the heck do they mean? Over the years there has been ever-evolving opinions regarding their meaning among researchers, therapists and dream authors. So rather than going over that in a long history that will start to look like a research paper, let me just share what I have seen among my clients and dream group participants. The dream work that I do with my clients is both eclectic and experiential, spiritual yet pragmatic and grounded. I want dreamers to get to the heart of their dream’s message and be able to use what they discover in their waking life. That means that I treat sexual dreams like any other dream!

So that you too, can come to your own awareness of your sexual dreams’ meanings, here are some things to consider:

  • First and foremost, did you enjoy the dream? Any dream that brings up fear, anxiety or pain, will have a different meaning that the dreams that feel good, even when the story line is essentially the same.
  • Was there coercion or force, violence or shame? A dream with any of these features can have many meanings, but recurring dreams featuring any of these things over time, can point to abuse.
  • Not all sex dreams are about sex at all. So the challenge is to see if this is about sex or the metaphor of sex. Are you a straight female dreamer making love to another woman? It could be pointing out some unacknowledged feelings OR it could be you embracing a part of yourself that the dream lover represents. At the same time, a seemingly non-sexual dream or a sensual dream may indeed point to issues around sex and sexuality to you need to explore in your waking life. The fact is, it depends on the dreamer and the context of his or her life, emotions, experiences and so on. Some might advise you NOT to take your sex dreams literally. While this is a generality that might be true for the most part, it’s not entirely correct. Some dreams may be warning you of a situation that you are in your waking life. Other dreams may be bringing forgotten or unconscious material forward into conscious awareness so that you can work on it. This is true of your sexual dreams too.
  • In all dreams, pay attention to the feelings, the setting, the action and the central image. For one woman, riding a horse (a common dream) might be about sex and being in control, but for another dreamer, it might be about mastering the qualities in her that a horse represents, like power, strength or service, and for a professional equestrian, it could be about their working life!
  • As always, take the time to write down the dream, your emotions and associations to any person, object or action in the dream and then see what all that has to do with your waking life.

You don’t have to freak out if you find yourself making love to an inappropriate partner. Book a confidential dream session with me and we’ll find the meaning together! Book Now!

Now that you have the basics when it comes to sex in dreams, I hope you will be sensible about it all. Stay calm and don’t let the sex in the dream narrative worry you, embarrass you or send you running to therapy. Just as in life, sex is a healthy part of the dream experience.